hanya kerana cinta

wellllllll. i dont normally fall in love right away with malay songs. but this one,i guess i love it since the first time i heard it.

hubby was driving. and me and hubby were in the car holding hands, like usual. (it's funny when he sometimes use his right hand, letting go the steering to change the gear and does not want to let go of my hand. :p tapi kalau nak raceeeee, kena cubit baru nak sedar wife ada kat sebelah).

when this song popped in the radio. we squeezed each other's hand and i was holding my tears. and he squeezed my hand harder.

we looked to each other and smiled. no words.

i dont know if it was the song, or about the conversation that we had earlier.

oh does not matter. i still love this song. :)

blame the pregnancy hormones! for me being so mellow. and too sensitive at times. oh wait, maybe most of the time? :p

luahan hati wanita merandung kena kerja sebab KL tak cuti

haha kecohnya aku. macam aku seorang kerja hari ni. tapi yelah jeles sebab B and abah pun cuti. abah ummy pergi Ipoh melawat anak saudara abah yang accident. huhu sekarang b tengah amek selipar raya dia kat Sunway Pyramid yang dia book hari tu.

bersenang lenang nampaknya dia. berjalan seorang diri harap jangan lupa diri. wah pantun pulak.

tapi hari ni ada driver hantar pergi balik kerja. kan besh hari2 macam ni. hehe.

ingat lagi dulu aku tak nak ngaku kat khairina and khalif, B tu boyfriend aku. so bila B datang amek and anta umah masa date, dorang cakap. tu boyfriend kak long ehhh.

aku cepat2 cakap eh tak laaaa. tu driver je. haha!

so bila B datang rumah, dorang kata, kak longggggg, driver kak long dah sampai!

hihihi bengang je B.

masa aku jemput suruh datang wedding, dia tanya, kak long kahwin dengan driver kak long yang ada janggut tu ke?

aku kata, eh nak tau datanglah. haha

bila aku kahwin, dia cakap. haa kan betul adik and kakak cakap, tu bukan driver kak long. tu boyfriend kak long.

hihihi kesian budak2 kecik kena tipu. bukan apaaa! nanti dia kecoh kat semua orang. i kan pemalu orangnya. hihihihihihihi

rindunya budak2 tuuuuu. malam ni balik JB nak pergi lah jumpa esok!

petang ni ada majlis buka puasa dengan orang2 ofis B kat intekma. mula2 malas nak pergi sebab nak balik JB. sebab tengok kat internet, ada menu kambing bakar. so nak lah!

boleh tak puasa2 ni aku teringin nak kambing gulinggggg. padahal tak suka pun kambing dulu2. ni mesti baby suka. hihihi

selera makan dah improve sikit. semalam teringin bihun sup ummy. makan untuk buka dengan sahur lagi. selalu sahur makan ciput pastu nak muntah. macam biasa bihun sup ummy memang tersedap di dunia. tapi sejak merandung ni aku tak leh la makan pedas2 sangat. so sambal kicap tu amek ala kadar je. yelah kang heartburn! alhamdulillah tak muntah.

ish aku tak puas hati lah kenapa tak cutiiiii. isnin pun aku tak amek cuti kerana cuti adalah tinggal sedikit.

lagipun tak apa. ada buka puasa kat PJ Hilton isnin ni. hihi macamlahhh aku ni dapat makan banyak. kau jangan muntah depan orang ramai dah. tak pasal2 kena halau. malu ok! tak besh pulak nanti sebab aku seorang diri perempuannn. mmmh macam tak biasa pulak. kalau pasal kerja aku selalu tertiba2 seorang diri perempuan. nasiblah badan.

okay kerja boleh tahan banyak. lepas boss bagi, dia siap cakap, now dont curse at me yet!

tu ayat favourite dia pas bagi keja. atau kadang2 dia cakap. now u can go back to your desk and start cursing me.

hihihhi tak adalah bosss! saya memang sukaaaaa! silalah naikkan gaji saya! sekian.

note: aku tak panggil boss aku boss pun. dia tak suka. masa mula2 masuk dulu aku panggil sir pon dia marah. haha!

dam dam dum KEBABOMMM

kalau nak raya je mestilah ada kes putus kaki tangan. apa lah korang ni. main macam manalah sampai putus2? ish ish.

jangan main mercun adik adik. bahaya tauuuu.

ecececehhhhhh.

bahaya konon. apa kau sudah lupa diri akan tingkah laku kau pada suatu ketika dulu? mujur tak kena buang kolej je okay! hihih

nak tau tak kisah mercun dalam kehidupan aku? hehe sengal pergi tanya orang nak tau ke tak ke padahal aku memang nak tulis jugak punnnn.

dari kecil mercun bunga api di hari hari raya adalah teman akrab. jiran2 nenek saya mesti tak suka kita orang balik. kalau cucu moksu limah balik je bergegar kampung okay. ingat lagi siap main perang2 dengan budak2 kampung. perang okay, stok yang baling mercun kat pihak lawan pastu lari. serious kebabom kebabom sampai ada pakcik datang rumah cakap kalau orang tua sakit jantung, mati cane? baby nak tido cane? dahla balik setahun sekali mahu buat onar di kampung orang.

malu je nenek kita orang dapat cucu cucu hyperactive!

ish perang tu memang real okay. aku pun galak dok baling2. memang tak tau takut. budak bandar vs budak kampung. hehehe

pastu my sepupu abe mat. dia memang expert bab modify mercun. haha. macam2 idea. malas nak list kang korang contohi. bahaya okay. haha

lepas tu tibalah zaman UM kat first college. masa raya aku bawak balik stok mercun. hellooooo! apa mercun bawang? tak main okayyyyy. ni mercun telur, bola, ketupat. memang kuat gila ok. gegak gempita wa cakap lu.

mercun bola

okay lah tak adalah sampai meriam buluh ke apa. tapi kalau ada yang mengajar masa tu. mesti gwa on bebbbb.

mula2 main baling kat padang. tapi macam tak besh. so malam tu dalam pas isya kot. aku baling dari tingkap bilik aku, tingkat 2. dengan budak2 ni la. semua penkecut. tahu suruh aku baling pastu tutup telinga pastu gelak2. baiklah aku yang bawak, akulah yang bertanggungjawab baling okay. tak guna korang.

first few nights baling sekali dua okay lagi. dengarlah bising2 woiiiiiii woiiii diammmmm

next few nights, baling sekali dua kali, kena maki. dari blok depan. memang kena maki wa cakap lu. tapi kiteorang ni gila. gelak2 lagi.

pastu kali ke berapa aku baling, tiba2 ada orang blok depan kata. haaaa bilik tu bilik tuuuu!! cepat tangkappppp!

apa???? tangkappppp??? damn it! dorang dah nampak. lepas tu kita orang intai dekat cermin, ada gang tuduh labuh bergegas turun tangga dari blok depan ramai2 tunjuk2 bilik kita orang. kau bayangkan sekarang geng tudung labuh ramai2 datang nak serang kita orang. dengan sorakan dan sokongan penduduk kolej lain. bilik tu kak ayu bilik tuuuuuu! hantar polissss!

O OHHHHH

aku cakap, weh kantoi wehh. kak ayu datang. mampus aku. dahla dia kakak usrah aku! (apa kau ingat aku jahat2 tak pergi surau ke? aku pergila jarang2. lepas tu kakak tu rembat aku suruh dengar usrah. mungkin sebab aku muka comel dan innocent. hihihi. grrr aku pun dengar lah sebab aku pun banyak dosa kat kolej so nak suruh insaf aku join usrah. lagi pon kakak ni memang baik betul tak sampai hati aku. muka macam siti you all! tapi aku rasa aku banyak skip usrah sampai orang datang cari kat bilik. hohhhhh! macam2 alasan aku bagi. ish ish teruknya)

masa ni ada Bella yang berkain batik, ida, zurak, nabil, syikin ada ke tak entah. mas ada ke? aku tak ingat. tapi yang aku paling ingat nak mati semua penkecut nak menyorok dalam almari. ida dah masuk almari nabil. bella sampai terlucut kain batik. nabil dan lain2 da muka cuak. siap tanya weh betul ke dorang nak anta kita kat balai? kan mercun salah di sisi undang2.

damn korang niiiiiiii. aku terus cakap ahhh tak adanya. paling2 pon botu panggil kita. atau kena buang kolej.
aku je la yang macam okaylah finelah. dorang dah tau bilik aku pun. so no point aku nak lari.

pastu aku dengar lah kecoh kat floor aku. mana? mana bilik main mercun tuuu? tak padan dengan perempuan!!!

aku dengan machonya bukak pintu, ya kak. bilik saya lah tu. saya la yang baling tu kakkk. kenapa kakk.

kak ayu tengok aku? hah ederq? awak ke??? kenapa ni ederq? kenapa baling2 mercun. ada budak india semput kat blok depan tu dah nangis2. terkejut. dia ada asthma. kang kalau dia masuk hospital ke apa ke cane? kalau dia mati cane? mana lagi kawan2 awak??

aku pun berkata, errr. tu mercun saya. saya yang baling. dorang tengok je. mmmh budak india tu asthma ke sakit jantung kak?

boleh tak aku tak puas hati kenapa asthma boleh terkujat pulak.

kak ayu: tak kira lah apa pun yang penting budak tu dah semput sekarang.

ederq: sorry kak. kitaorang nak main2 je. nanti ederq main jauh2.

kak ayu: mana lagi mercun?

ederq: dah habis bakar. tu nak habiskan je. (tipuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu)

kak ayu: dah okay jangan main lagi. nanti kalau kena panggil ke apa akak cakap.

ederq: sorry kak.

kawan2 aku yang lain semua dia ketakutan. haha sengal korang!

lepas tu yang kelakar, kak ayu patah balik datang peluk aku. aku lupa lah dia cakap apa. macam nak gunakan cara berhikmah nak suruh aku insaf. ish tiba2 aku rasa macam lahh aku ni jahat sangatttt. hehehe. aku bukan buat maksiat pun kak. relax2 aje okehh.

lepas je kak ayu and the gang keluar, aku and the gang gelak2. sengal. bodoh koranggggg pengecut semua orangggg! sekarang baru kau berani gelak!

lepas tu dengarlah suara2 sumbang dari blok depan, padan muka woh padan mukaaaaa.

damn it! aku pergi sumbat mercun kat mulut kau nak takk. aku rasa ida kot pergi kat tingkap cakap, woh takut nya takutnyaaaaaaaaaaa.

pastu ada yang sambung diam ahhhh. hahaha.

lepas tu kitaorang sambung gelak sebab tadi tu bella terlucut kain. nampak spender merah. hahahahah! silat je belt hijau tapi kena gertak sikit nak lari masuk almariiii! memang sengal okay korang.

yang aku sah2 lah insaf tak nak pergi usrah. kang tak pasal2 aku jadi point. haha aku rasa sepanjang tu pun berapa kali je aku pergi pun. 2? 3?

ish terukkkk

lepas tu stok mercun kita orang abeskan kat tempat parking bus UM. haha tak ada siapa nak marah.

lepas tu esok2 kecohlah.

ehhh kau tau ke siapa yang main mercun semalam? gila ah dorang ni. tak fikir ke orang nak study ke apa ke? dahla perempuan. lelaki pun tak main.

dengar tak semalam kecoh2 mercun? siapa hah? ada budak semput.

dan sebagainyalah.

bila aku cakap. ohh kita orglah lah. semua macam.

hah kau orang ke. jahat!

kau tau takk kau baling betul2 depan bilik akuuu. aku tengah study! aku siap hempuk buku2 tu. sebab tension, ni hazel cakap.

hah? eiii korang niiii

tapi aku lupalah. adakah kes ini yang buatkan aku and the gang kena panggil dengan ajk kolej. sebab kita orang banyak kes. kes bisinglah apalah. budak2 dental n medic cina ngadu cakap bilik kitaorg bising. siap tampal notis kat notice board. lukis gambar mulut and number bilik kita orang. how dare youuuu. kenapa nak lukis gambar mulut tu kita orang tak dapat nak terima. haha

yang kau budak dental medic nak dok first wat apa? pergilah dok sixth. sah2 aman damai. ni budak engin, account, archi tak apa bising2. korang tuuuuu.

hehehe. sungguhlah tak matang masa tu!

yang aku ingat ida reply balik kat notice board fire balik. serious tak insaf. pastu ada siapa tah suruh stop balas2 notice.

tapi aku ingatlah memang kena panggil dengan Botu (tak tau nama sebenar mamat ni) and ajk kolej lain. kena warning bla bla bla.

tak takut pon. keluar tu gelak2 lagi ada.

patutlah kat kolej tu tak ada pun orang nak minat kat aku. kecuali abang hensem. hensem sangat2. nanti aku blog pasal abang hensem. hahahahahaha gelinya peruttttttttttt

eh tapi luar kolej ada je yang minatttt. ececehhh. tu pun sebab tak tahu perangai sebenar! haha

masa ni belum bercanda mesra lagi dengan abang ariffku. hehe

yang aku ingat, kalau pasal abang hensem ni, ida ngan zurak boleh pecah perut ketawa terduduk dekat tangga nangis2 sampai kita orang kena papah pergi masuk bilik. serious aku tak faham kenapa aku kawan dengan orang2 macam ni. ahahaha

tu baru sikit kat kolej. kat sekolah? masa kat uda dulu? ishhh. macam2 sangat.

tapi aku nakal2 pun baik hati okay. tak ada kes gatal2 dengan mamat ke. apa ke. ececehh. aku pun tak fahamlah kenapa jadi macam tu. seronok sangat buat nakal.

err tak ada lah jahat sangat kot. nakal sikit je.

tapi kan, lepas aku dah berubah jadi mellow and ayu sikit. (ayu sangattttttt) kalau balik kampung, nak main mercun jadi pentakut. tutup telinga beriya. pastu marah2 adik2 and cousins aku bising2 kebabommmm.

apa sudah jadilah dengan kuu. hahahah

tahun ni aku rasa aku tak nak jugak dengar mercun kuat2. takut baby terkejut kat dalam perut ni. hehe

haaaaa sekarang baru kau nak kira terkejut kauuu. duluuuuuuu?

sebenarnya encik suami pun memang tak bagi dah main. elellele macamlahhh dia dulu2 tak main kan. lagi dahsyat ada kan. b kan, kan b kannnnn?

hehehhe.

kepada mereka yang pernah menjadi mangsa bahan letupan ederq and the gang, harap diampunkan salah silap.

peace!

note: entry ni dah draft lama baru nak publish. nak cerita pagi tadi kan B kan dia kiss and cakap2 kat perut i tak tau apa dia bebel kat baby before dia pergi kerja. sekali lepas je dia tutup pintu, i terus pergi muntah and terus pening and terus datang kerja lambat gila.

B cakap apa dekat baby????

14 weeks!

thank you Allah. . . :)

kan cepat kan masa kannn? secara tiba tiba saya adalah 14 minggu merandung. bersamaan dengan 3 bulan setengah. apabila melihat perkembangan anakku di dalam rahimku seperti tertulis dalam baby gaga and baby centre, saya adalah tersenyum sendirian.

subhanallah... this is magical.

kadang2 bila fikir2, i'm carrying another life inside me, i can feel lump in my throat and my heart will thunder fast like so fast like i just realise the situation.

hihi kelakar jugaklah aku ni. apahal pulak baru realise? perut sudah membesar badan sudah menkurus kerana tidak makan secara baik masih tidak sedar???

adalah tidak sabar2 untuk mentengok beliau melalui mesin pen scan kat next check up!

adalah sedikit kerisauan juga jika beliau tidak membesar secara banyak kerana saya tidak mampu makan secara banyak. makan adalah menletihkan. tak apa, nanti mummy dah getting better, i'll eat a lot ok! hihi.

tidak sabar untuk rasa movement dia. hari tu saya mentekan2 perut pastu rasa geli dari dalam. adakah itu tahi atau bayi saya pun tidak tahu. terus tak nak tekan sebab takut annoy si comel, jika benar itu adalah beliau. hihiihihi.

rasanya tahilah! atau perkara lain. bukan ke movement tu rasa bila dah 4 bulan. pandai2 kau je lahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

perkembangan saya sekarang adalah, mmh okay tu okay. boleh puasa. muntah dah berkurangan kepada 2-3 hari sekali. tetapi pening adalah setiap masa. nak bangun duduk kena slow2. darah tidak naik kepala. makan boleh habis 1 senduk. tapi still lauk tumis2 masih tidak suka. nasi goreng ke mihun goreng ke is a big no no. tolerance kepada bau masih sama. huhu. dan oh ya. baru lepas muntah ni ha. nampak sangat baby pun tak suka monday morning sampai termuntah!

b kata dia rindu i masak. mmmh walaupun tidak sesedap mana, masih dirindui ya. sabar ya B. nanti dah boleh bau2, hunny masak lah. b siap pesan jangan sampai tak reti nak masak dah la. hihi. 3 bulan dah ya saya tidak ketung ketang kat dapur.

tiba2 rindu masa zaman tinggal berdua dengan B. huhuhu.

tiba2 tidak sabar tunggu rumah siap tahun depan. eh tapi masa tu bukan tinggal berdua. tapi bertiga. insya allah.....

macam juga perkara bayi, perkara hiasan rumah pun nampaknya si dia lebih rajin survey2 interior design, furnitures and all. dapat rasakan nanti dia yang akan menguasai segenap ruang rumah! tidak adil dia kata, hunny pilih kitchen punya barang je. yang lain, B.

jeng jeng jengggg. tak apa tak apa, we'll see! :p

oh ya sabtu lepas telah berpeluang melawat anak hasil campuran melayu + algerian (mira + smail) = sweet ibtisam. subhanallah comel dan manisss anak dia orang. masa keluar dari rumah mira, B cakap, hunny, comel nya anak mira! sampai balik pun saya teringat2, cakap kat encik suami, B comel kannn Ibtisam. haha itu jelah topik 2-3 hari. selalu macam tu, lepas tengok anak orang, mesti asyik ulang2 cakap, comelnya anak dia. comelnyaaa comelnyaaaa. hihih.

dannnn saya juga sudah berjaya mennaikkan mood shopping saya minggu lepas. kan B bising kan. buy something for yourself. biar b belanja raya. jangan kedekut sangat nak beli barang untuk hunny. kan hunny ada duit. beli okay.

beberapa jam lepas usung my shopping bags at Sunway Pyramid. okay B, hunny dah shopping. nanti kita datang lagi nak guna voucher tu.

B berkata, mmmh takut b tengok hunny shopping.

saya pula berkata, ehhhhh tadi suruh hunny shopping. hunny shopping lah. la la la laaaaa

oh ya para pembaca sekalian. jika anda membeli belah dia Sunway Pyramid, spend above RM250 in any store (except Giant kot dengan apa tah lagi), you can get sampul raya (tak cantik sebab dia oren), pashmina shawl and vouchers. geram kenapa dia tak buat macam contoh, total spending 1k in all stores in a day, dapat voucer worth 1k. no purchase required. kena kumpul setiap kedai adalah tidak besh. eh eh melampau kau. orang nak bagi tu syukurlah!

tapi adalah tiada rezeki di mana sepatut dapat 2 shawls lepas itu pergi redeem petang2 masa nak balik lalu pashmina shawl sudah kehabisan maka dia bagi 4 sets of vouchers.

ada yang besh ada yang tak. yang besh mestilah perkara yang tidak perlu purchase apa2 tiba2 dapat free. hihi. seperti barang2 bloop. dan buy 1 free 1 cupcake chic. dan banyak lagilah. ala bukan besh sangat pun sebenarnya. cuma aku sedikit geram tak dapat shawls tu. ishhh kan tiada rezekiii. tak baik.

cis, lupa lah nak makan kapkek tu. tak apalah malam ni sila jangan lupa.

mmmh dah muntah lapar la pulak. sabar sabar. kalau buka pun nak makan macam manalah di office. walaupun colleagues semua okay je (sebab semua non muslims) ajak makan kat pantry kalau tak puasa. ish malu tahu. walaupun dulu2 tidak puasa kerana bejot.

macam biasalah, 1 entry, 1 tajuk tapi isi dia adalah rojak. nasiblah. hihi.

okay bye. macam nak berak. terpaksa berhenti secara tiba tiba sekarang.

lotsa love,
perempuan kena pergi tandas sekarang

these small hours

the ability to forgive and forget

is just too low

like almost impossible

like never

but i have priorities in life

like a lot who reminded me, baby first ieda.

thanks for reminding but it was funny and painful when it came from that people too

as i wonder how do they sleep at night

i know now i dont give a damn

we have God to pay the rest

God the Almighty. . .

our lives are made in these small hours

such a waste and frustrated and painful and hurt and agonizing when people has ruined your small hours. now i dont want to waste whatever left for me.

Dosa gugur apabila suami isteri bersalam

i read this from Fara's notes in FB. saja nak share dengan u all. Fara, i copy okay.

mmmh tiba2 teringat dulu ada one time,few months back, me and hubby gaduh before pergi kerja. biasalah majuk2. masing2 tak nak kalah. before pergi kerja i tak salam, tak kiss and tak hug like usual. yelah tengah marah.

and he was very upset. dia cakap lain kali kalau marah macam mana pun kena buat semua tu before leave. memang rasa menyesal masa tu. balik petang tu terusssss hug tak nak lepas mintak ampun.

lepas tu ada lah jugak time merajuk2 tu kan biasalah tak kan baik je manjang. sedangkan lidah pun tergigit. so sebab dia dah pesan kena buat semua2 tu walau marah macam mana pun, so i buat lah. mula2 macam tak ikhlas. tapi bila dapat peluk and kiss terus nak nangis. and terus sejuk hati yang amarah and terus tak marah.

me and hubby sama je perangai. kalau marah, ubat dia peluk je. usap belakang. cepat lah reda.

so he was right. we'll kiss and hug him tight before pergi mana2 because we never know if it is the last time (mintak jauh). tak kisah lah kat depan gate jiran tengok pun buat bodoh je. hihi.

cuma satu je dia mintak lately, jangan hug dia kuat2 sangat sebab i selalu buat baju dia renyuk. hihihihihih.

us

okay baca bawah ni! semoga allah bahagiakan semua orang yang berkahwin. dijauhkan dari semua gangguan yang boleh merosakkan rumah tangga kita semua.

ingat dah kahwin, buat cara dah kahwin. ingat Allah.

RASULULLAH saw bersabda, yang bermaksud: "Seorang isteri yang bermuka muramdi hadapan suaminya, maka ia dalam kemurkaan Allah hingga ia dapat membuatsuasana yang riang gembira kepada suaminya dan memohon kerelaannya."Begitulah besarnya harga senyuman seorang isteri kepada suaminya keranasenyuman akan mencetuskan suasana kegembiraan yang sebenarnya dikehendakisuami ketika pulang dalam keletihan. Muka yang masam bukan saja akan menimbulkan kemarahan suami, malahan menyebabkan Allah turut murka dan kemurkaan Allah itu berkekalan hingga isteri berjaya mengembalikan suasana gembira serta memohon keampunan daripada suami.

Sesungguhnya keredaan Allah terletak pada keredaan suami. Justeru, apabilasuami pulang segeralah bukakan pintu, persilakan masuk dengan penuh hormatdan ciumlah tangan suami sebagai tanda hormat serta meminta maaf,walaupunisteri merasakan tidak berbuat sebarang kesalahan pada hari itu.Sebuah hadis ada menyebut bahawa apabila seorang suami bersalaman denganisterinya, maka gugurlah segala dosa dari celah-celah jari mereka berdua.Andai mempunyai anak-anak, ajarlah mereka itu untuk selalu bersalamandengan ayahnya kerana kelaziman akan memupuk rasa kasih dan hormatanak-anak kepada orang tua.

Kebahagiaan rumahtangga terletak pada akhlak dan budi pekerti isteri.Biarpun seorang isteri itu tidak cantik tapi jika cukup sempurna layanannyaterhadap suami dan berakhlak pula, tentu ia akan menjadi penghibur dalamrumahtangga.

Oleh itu wahai isteri, hendaklah berlumba-lumba untuk menjadi seorangisteri yang solehah, yang bertakwa, berakhlak mulia dan taat kepada suami.Rasulullah bersabda, yang bermaksud: "Sungguh-sungguh memintakan ampununtuk seorang isteri yang berbakti kepada suaminya, iaitu burung-burung diudara, ikan-ikan di air dan malaikat di langit selama dia sentiasa dalamkerelaan suaminya."

Jika seorang isteri mengharap cintanya berbalas, maka banyakkan mencarikeredhaan Allah melalui keredhaan suami.

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Sucikanlah 4 hal dengan 4 perkara :

"Wajahmu dengan linangan air mata keinsafan,Lidahmu basah dengan berzikir kepada Penciptamu,Hatimu takut dan gementar kepada kehebatan Rabbmu,dan dosa-dosa yang silam disulami dengan taubat kepada Dzat yang memiliki mu."

"sampaikanlah walau satu ayat" al hadis

the maddest

boss: Zed, what have you done?

me: to whom?

boss: to xxx

me: errr why? what have i done?

boss: he is so scared out of hell of you

me: padan muka dia (and looked at olynn and laughed)

boss: smiled (kenapa dia senyum pun aku tak tahu. macam lah mat saleh ni faham padan muka tu apa.)

then we talked about something else.

welllllll. i was nice to him for the first few weeks or months he was here. i taught him this and that.

but after a while, i keep getting the sameeeeee questions and sameeee mistakes like everytime i delegate the tasks. i was like. bored to death. and annoyed.

and furthermore i'm not the boss, not his cikgu, not his superior or anything but just a colleague who is responsible to train him.

i got frustrated when he's not remembering things i told him when i have keep saying it like trillions times.

and there are some other stories like he's using my name like when other people heard, will taught that i'm bossing him around. like twisted the real story? like to use my name to cover his back side?

penbelit. bukan aku je kena. ada few colleagues yang dah kena. tapi they all baik. tak sound balik mamat ni.

well not me, obviously.

i made it clear to him that i don't accept that. dont mess with me, things like that. jangan sampai aku pegi cakap je dekat boss. kau jangan belit2 guna nama aku.

i actually pity him, i was so stressed out last few weeks. he messed few things and i actually raised my voice to him. he looked worried and guilty and terrified. i did not scream or anything like that but i never use that tone in office so perhaps that freaked him out. not to mention myself too.

i think i said something like this: what is wrong with you? you should know this. you were working with this database to death! and you said you dont remember? what it needs to make you remember things? i keep telling this like everyday! and you have to redo all those again and whose fault is that? and such a waste of time! not just yours but my time too!

then i ajar lagi and he was like macam tikus kecil dengan aku emak kucing lapar. tapi kucing puasa. so tak kena makan. kalau tidakkkk

then after few minutes, he came to me and said. Zed, i fucked up. that was totally stupid of me. i should remember that. and i have to remove and redo again now.

i coldly said, yes you are. don't do that again. please. force your brain to at least remember few things. will you?

then he said, okay2. can you be nice to me huh next time?

me said, oh yeah? tell me why should i? you are annoying and irritating.

he said, okay fine. i know it's your pregnancy and you are fasting and all.

me said, hey hey. not that okay. you said just now you fucked up. so, i'll act the same way even if i'm not pregnant or fasting. and that's from me. if it's the boss? you know exactly what to expect, right?

he said, okay fine. sorry about that. and walked away with sad face.

eii budak ni. aku dah bagi kau makan kismis aku pun kau tak ingat2.

i was like. a bit guilty because i tend to use him to let go my anger. but of course for a concrete reason. with hope that next time he will remember and study first before come to me and ask me silly question that only can trigger my anger.

kalau boss aku yang find out mesti lagi teruk kena maki. so nasib baiklah akuuuu yang find out.

we all dah biasa kena maki like you F***ing B**tard! Di**Head! DUMBAR**! ah banyak lagi yang aku belajar dari boss aku. tulis kang tak baik puasa2 ni. haha. mula2 macam nangissss kena maki. sekarang. heartless. bila kerja okay jela rasa heartless. time kerja macam rasa tak fulfill je macam dia nak dah berdebar2. hahaahaha. pastu kalau orang lain yang kena marah yang bunyi dentum2 pun i dah berdebar. hihihi

well i'm not usually a hot tempered person. but if someone, something triggers me. memanglah amarah.

maybe my hubby is right, when i'm happy, i'll be the happiest, when i'm sad, i'll be the saddest, when i'm mad, i'll be the maddest.

what happened at the office was not the maddest. i've seen one from myself.

unbelievable me.

my weekend

so i planned too many stuffs for last weekend. i managed to do few things only. hih.

on saturday, after subuh baca quran sampai ngantok, i slept until 10am in the morning. got so bored and lazy to get up. watched him sleeping like a baby. . .

i'm so thankful that i get him to sleep by my side every night, to sleep in his arms and to wake up with him next to me. it's fasting month so he is around everyday. we get to sahur and buka together. i got so nervous when he said he'll be busy again like usual after raya.

my hearts pounds trillion times faster whenever he said that. i just don't want to sleep alone. i need him to comfort me whenever i woke up from bad dreams.

i have been through a lot lately. so i really need him around me like so bad.

i'll miss him massaging me am sure baby will him too as he will rub lotion on my tummy and talked to baby every night. sometimes he whispers something to baby that i cant really hear but only feels his breath as he speaks on my skin. it makes me smile every time he does that. i'm sure baby is smiling too.

i'll miss him when i crave for hugs. and kisses. and okay no need to tell that!

but i know that is impossible. he can't always be around. i'm lucky for being pregnant and sick, so boss has been so kind to me, that i will not be out station any time soon. but if my sickness is over, of course i'm okay to do all that again.

so back on bed, i waited for him to wake up. or did i wake him up? well doesn't matter. we cuddled (pa'kal puasa) and talked and talked and talked. about everything. in details.

until 2pm++..

then i realised we do love each other like so much that nobody can understand. nobody not even myself.

then we got up and later then we went to visit meeza and Miqael. OMG Miqael is so tiny little cute baby. i hold him for hours and waited for him to get up. tapi tak bangun2. yang uwekkkkk once then went back to sleep. fine Miqael fineeee. dahla suka buat mulut burung and smile while sleeping. geramnya nak gegetttttttt.

meeza, nysa (her sis) and shima (her SIL) were saying. kurusnya kauuu. kurusnya kak idaaaa. kenapa niii? mana perut tak nampak pon. oh okay pakai maxi baru obvious eh. pakai jeans tak nampak sangat. oh sudah tidak ada pipi tembam. (kombinasi komen 3 orang)

i was like. huhuhu. nak buat cane... :(

ummy cooked nasi ayam for buka. few cousins came in. i ate 1 senduk tak habis. which was an improvement. selalu 1 sudu pun tak habis. yeeee suduuuuu okay. haihhh

well that was Saturday. we dont do anything else important that day.

Sunday, we cleaned up the room. basically he did most of the things as I was pening and cant stand too long. if not nak jatuh.

later than , i forced myself to One Utama with him. kalau ikutkan memang nak baring je kat rumah. but tak apa lah ikut je. we have went to several malls and he asked me to pick up few things for raya. but i dont know why i cant pick up bloody thing. like no mood at all.

he has been asking me to buy things (belanja me) tapi keep saying. tak ada apa nak beli. isn't that weird? kalau dari dulu macam ni kan bagus. :p

they said, i'm carrying a boy sebab tu malas shopping. entahlah korang. ada cakap boy ada cakap girl. tak kisahlah mana2 asal sihat. :)

so yesterday, he did buy something for himself. myself was unlucky, i want things but no size. like all things? and i got so tired and moody. so i got nothing for myself. i have to sit my back side every 20 mins of walking. okay perhaps i'm fasting and not eating well. so maybe that explains.

but mall tour is so tiring. now.

funny thing is. he is the one who is excited to buy baby stuffs. he even wanted to buy a Quinny stroller yesterday! (even though my dream stroller will be Stokke tapiiiiii adalah mahal sangat lebih baik simpan untuk education baby. ececehhh. i want to top up my money more pun he still tak bagi beli. huhuh)

i was like, B! i'm only 3 months pregnant. dont get too excited yet. we'll do the shopping when the baby is 5 months? or 6 months? lepas kita tahu baby's sex. okay?

he smiled foolishly and said, aah kan. anything can happen. tak apalah kita save duit and doa je the best.

excited papa, he is. but i know where he got it from. my MIL dah beli playgim. and i was like hah? awalnya? haha.

anyway, tak kisahlah if you want to buy now or later but apa2 pun tuhan maha berkuasa atas sesuatu. kita hanya doa yang terbaik.

so we went to pregnant mums and baby stores more than other stores actually. not my fault. :p

got something for baby ibtisam tapi tak sempat visit dia this week. sorry ya mira. baby girls stuffs are so cute like mad! like so geramm gerammmm gerammm.

then i told him to bring me back home after buka. so fecking tired that i slept right after i stepped in the car.

i got nothing for myself. hope i have enough energy to shop again next week! come on baby. mummy needs to shop okay!

this week i feel a lot better and hope i'm back! for real.

so that was my weekend. how was yours?

darn slow friday

ya allah me and olynn were complaining. why today is extremely slow? i have been looking at the clock and seems like it is not moving at all! it takes forever to tick to the next minute!

weekend is coming. am planning to visit mira's baby, cute ibtisam and meeza's baby, cute miqael, soon. they delivered their babies early this week. i'm so happy for them. congrats loves!

i need to clean up my room. my handbags are everywhere, unorganized. i need to do the laundry and send few things for dry clean. chacha needs to be washed. poor u chacha.

gedix ajak bukak puasa. i miss them like so much but it's mid valley and kenny rogers pulak. so tak maulah. susah nak maghrib and i always had bad experience in kenny rogers MV.

i need to rest. and sleep. good one. without bad dreams.

my brain is restless. my head's spinning and heavy most of the time. and when it is not, migrain strikes.

pain in the arse.

i'm just so fecking tired.

on my precious, i wish a have the scanner to scan my baby everyday. or put in a tiny little camera inside my womb to see how my baby is doing.

i'm a bit worry. i'm fasting. i have no problem with that. just that i cant eat well during sahur or buka. hope my baby is excellent in absorbing whatever nutrients inside me.

every day, we will rub my stomach and talk to baby to behave, to eat. not to puke. sometimes baby listens sometimes baby chose not to. sometimes baby choose to puke after mummy eats, sometimes before buka, when mummy is tired, when nothing left inside mummy's tummy to puke, sometimes, after sahur and few minutes before azan.

and i have no problem with fasting at all. eating time is trouble. i cant bloody eat. i forced and i puke. i drink a lot, but nasik 1 sudu pun tak habis. i cant go to terawikh lagi for now because am afraid of puking atas sejadah surau. mmmmhhh

it's not that i'm complaining. i'm just concern about my baby. baby, please be okay inside sayang.

the baby is 13 weeks now. i really really wish my morning sickness will be over soon.

i miss doing the cooking. for now i still cant cope with the smell. i puke everytime the smell comes.

but if that lasts a bit longer, i can't help. anything for you baby. anything. i'm nowhere near there either. some people still having this until the day of giving birth. so, i really dont know what my luck is! huhuhu

but either way, i dont mind. as long as baby is perfectly fine. that matters the most.

baby, you are lucky. everyone loves you more than they do for mummy. hehe. and mummy loves you more than anything too darling.

and you are the reason i'm still here. standing. still.

where is ederq?

a friend said, a good friend of mine

her: dear is your pregnancy bothering you? why you sound so upset lately?

i was shocked.

me: no no not at all, yes, i have morning sickness, hypermesis if you want to call it. but it's not bothering me at all. i love my baby. i dont mind being sick. as long as the baby inside's happy and healthy. i sound upset?

her: mm. you used to be happy. happy go lucky. and crazy.

me: am i not now? mmm sometimes shit happens. but yeah i was a bit stressed on something. but i have supportive and wonderful people to support me. my loved ones are the greatest.

her: if you have enough support then what else bothering you?

me: i dont know love. cant really tell. maybe i have to learn it to fight my own self. i need to find myself back. she's gone.

her: i know! this is not ederq i've known. go get her back. i miss her.

me: haha (i miss her too. eyes flooded)

her: whatever had happened, god knows better. tuhan tak kan uji umat dia kalau dia tau kita tak mampu hadapi. apa2 pun banyak doa. ok?

me: i know. but this seems too much. but it's ok. i'll be fine. dont worry.

her: i am worry. take care ederq.

me: please dont be. will do.

have i said i have greatest friends? and greatest loved ones. i love you all.

those who has hurt me badly, will never be a friend. never were and never will.

animal instinct

1 ramadhan

i'm so glad i feel much at ease now.

i don't mean to be selfish.

but now i can smile bitterly when the worst (and last) part came.

surprisingly not to cry. again.

everything is so crystal clear now.

i thank for the ramadhan barakah.

allah has given me more strength after all.

alhamdulillah. . .

salam ramadhan

alhamdulillah panjang umur berjumpa lagi ramadhan tahun ni.

first as wife and mummy to be. mula2 risau jugak macam manalah nak puasa dengan merandung ni. tapi i tried few days (padahal ganti) masa tengah mabuk2 ni.

alhamdulillah okay. lapar tu tak, cuma dahaga. biasalah. pastu kalau tak puasa lambat makan je kepala dah berpinar2, makan je muntah. tapi ni tak berpinar pun. alhamdulillah. cuma masa sahur and buka memang tak boleh makan banyak pun. minum air je banyak.

pastu the night before puasa mummy and papa baby ni dah gosok2 perut, pesan kat baby cakap mummy nak puasa. so kena bertahan. sebab ni tuhan yang suruh. hihi dia faham kot.

bulan puasa ni tak tahu lah. harap okay. tapi macam dr kata, mungkin akan ada hari yang i may be pancit. tapi cuba je. kalau tak larat sangat nak pingsan silalah berbuka.

baiklah! let's do it baby! harap dapat buat terawikh as much as i could.

to my lovely readers, selamat berpuasa dan semoga ramadhan kali ini memberi seribu keampunan kepada korang.

maafkan salah silap i okay.

admitted and discharged

these few weeks were so stressful and tiring. so dr advised me to rest at the hospital.

2 days je. mula okay coz rasa relax and kurang muntah. since ubat muntah masuk ikut drip bukan oral. kalau oral bwelkkkk keluar balik.

hypermesis.

everyone said muka i pucat macam mayat. muka kuning. huhuhu

second day, dah boring. tak sempat tunggu dr zarul dah mintak nak discharge. hihi

thanks to my family yang menjaga penuh dedikasi ibu merandung ni. and b coz sudi nak manjakan and take a good care of hunny lagi.

friends yang risau2 tak payah risau. biasalah ni hehe.

baby, mummy is fine and hope so are you. 6 months to go. and i cant wait to hold you in my arms. i know all these will be worth it! i love you baby!

dengan mengingati allah hati menjadi tenteram

“Ya Allah, RahmatMu aku harapkan, janganlah Engkau serahkan segala urusanku kepada diriku sendiri walau sekejap mata, perbaikilah segala urusanku, tiada ilah yang berhak disembah selain Engkau.” (HR Abu Dawud)

source

my precious

updates on previous check up.
i lost 3kg, due to morning sickness. hope my sickness will get better soon.

i don't puke everyday now but when i do, it will be few times in a day. dizziness has lessen and my appetite has improved a bit. alhamdulillah.

despite me being depressed and sick, baby inside has been growing perfectly fine. i cant be any happier.

me and baby at cuci the musical

dr kata very good! walau awak lose weight tapi baby awak cukup nutrient.sihat!

alhamdulillah, i hope everything will be fine.

baby, mummy sayang sangat kat baby. grow well sayang. i'll be the best mummy to you sayang. i love you the most.

tipu dosa

percaya karma
percaya tuhan

dosa dengan tuhan boleh bertaubat
kerana tuhan maha pengampun

dosa dengan orang
kau tanggunglah sendiri kat neraka

tipu dosa
tak kan lupa?

atau
mungkin tak takut

tak takut tuhan

...

koyak kecil kecil

sakit

tampal

tak lekat

tak kuat

jahit banyak banyak

jarum tajam

sakit

sakit sangat sangat