mata duitan

Monday, August 8, 2011

breastfeeding eisya part 1

hi korang! sorry i was meant to share about my experince of breastfeeding my baby months ago but here i am. baru terhegeh2. :p

okay tarik nafasssss. lepasssss.

this is an emotional post. please. bear.with. me...

before i was pregnant, before baby dance lagi, i have done few research on breastfeeding and i told my myself to breastfeed my baby (babies) when the time comes.

when i was pregnant, me and hubby attended breastfeeding classes, read, ask friends who breastfeed their babies, spend on buying all the needs to breastfeed, let my gynae knows about my birth plan and baby feeding.

i really really niat to fully bf my baby. i was determined.

delivery day. when eisya is out of my womb, she was not put on my chest. i saw her being cleaned and i called her, eisyaaa. mommy ni.

then everything went blurry. i was dipingsankan sebab nak jahit.

i woke up 30 minutes later in the labour room still. alone. then the nurse pushed me to my room.

my first question to my mom. baby mana? kak long nak breastfeed.

ummy said, ada nanti dia bawak. tadi nurse dah bagi minum air zamzam. dia minum tau kak long. laju je dia minum. dengan picagari tu. with big grin.

i was sentap. sentap. felt like crying but i hold. i wanted to scream to my hubby. kenapa biarrr? i hold it.

then himawari baby was brought in.

nurse 1: okay mak dia nak bagi susu. ada ke susu awak ni. selalu tak ada lagi ni. meh saya check.

she was squeezing my breast. i just let her. walaupon sakit. although i dont understand why she needs to squeeze me to stimulate my milk. my family was in the room. watching.

nurse 1: kering kontang ni. tak kan nak bagi baby minum. me: tak apa nanti baby hisap ada lah. kena stimulate. nurse 2 came and squeeze me again. and this time keluar kolostrum tu. i was happy. me: ha ada2. bak baby.

i put her on my breast, (i watched youtube on how to latch baby etc). and the nurse 2 tak payah ajar me dah pandai. she even said, ha mak dia dah pandai dah. okay baby minum.

if you remember my post on the delivery, i was given pain killer at 8cm dilation and baby and i were both sleepy masa push dan juga baby still sleepy after keluar. she only cried after dapat antidot.

so she just latched onto my breast and nyonyot for few times and diam. we kacau her but she still asleep.

plus she was being given air zamzam. mestilah dah kenyang kan. so i was so sad because she was only on my breast for good few minutes then she was taken away.

i was really really upset. memanglah air zamzam tu suci. but i want the first thing for her to eat is my milk. nothing else.

then, kisah sedih berterusan apabila i was told by nurses and my ummy not to bf her exclusively. kena ajar fm since i'm working.

and they said baby needs to drink milk takut dehydrate. as my milk is not coming yet. which i know is purely bullshit.

i tried to explain to my mom and she only said, ummy tau lah ummy dah anak 4.

it breaks my heart. :'(

then ada nurse lain datang tanya if nak bf dia tak bagi ubat rehat ni. nanti baby nak susu dia hantar. i agreed.

but sampai sudah tak ada. every time i ask my hubby to check on the baby, she's asleep. or being bottle fed dah.

i was upset. i told my hubby that i want my baby here. but he said, tak apalah. biarlah nurse jaga baby kita. dia orang lagi tahu. awak janganlah fikir awak je. nak breastfeed. kenalah fikir baby if dia tak cukup susu ke apa. nanti dah ada susu baru lah kita bf dia.
i was speechless. i was sad. i was upset. i thought that my hubby would understand me. i thought he's with me.

i'm not doing this for myself. you mommies would understand kan?

but maybe my hubby was too tired kot that time. i woke him up every hour in the night to check the baby. and orang2 lain dok provok nanti baby hipo, dehydrate and what not.

i did not sleep at all. dahla the night before i didnt sleep sebab dah rasa sakit2 sikit2 and neves fikir nak bersalin. so i was really tired. i laid down on the bed layan sakit kat bawah tu, watching the ceiling. and cried sometimes.

and then the nurse came to check me. i asked her about my baby. she said dah minum susu. i asked her berapa banyak. she checked the record. sikit. tak sampai 0.5oz. dia tak pandai botol sangat.

okay lepas ni, baby bangun please bagi saya. saya nak breastfeed!

i said it firmly with watery eyes.

then i mandi2 with hubby's help. goshh seram aku ingat balik sakit jahit tu. walhal 3-4 jahitan baru. and i remember my hubby was very takut tengok aku berdarah banyak masa mandi tu. yela darah nifas tu kan baru2 lagi. he even said, kesian hunny. anywayyyy that is another story.

then i tengah nak pakai baju, tetiba ada nurse datang bawak masuk baby. puan, baby nangis ye.

and she left us with the baby. dengan aku terhegeh2 nak pakai baju dengan sakit tu lagi. i only said to her, kejap ya sayang mommy nak pakai baju.

then i duduk and breastfeed her. she pandai latch. i was happy happy happy.

then, when she is done. she just kept quite and stare at us. i will never ever forget the look of her eyes that moment.

this was it. :)

she was like oh ni ke mommy ni ke papa. and she kept looking and looking at us.

she was so fragile. lembik2 lagi kan masa tu. then she was with me for good few hours. when she cried i sua breasts lagi. and then ada nurse minta baby nak mandikan. but she was being breastfeed masa tu. so the nurse biar dulu.

then that second day, we were discharged.

sampai rumah, people dah start come and visit. penuh rumah. alhamdulillah rezeki eisya. but i was tired lah masa tu. then ada time, my baby cried. my mom cepat2 suruh my hubby amik botol susu. masa tu belum sterilize apa lagi kan. and ada susu sample hospital bagi.

i cakap tak payah lah. biar bagi susu badan je.

ummy keep saying nantilah susu keluar dulu. kesian baby. dah la baby kuning tu. kena minum susu banyak bagi dia kencing berak baru hilang kuning dia.

dahlah ramai orang kat rumah. so i hold my sadness.

my hubby's aunty ada datang visit and she asked me to exclusively bf my baby. i'm glad someone actually feel me!

i told her everything and she keep saying. baby kecik ni tak perlu bagi susu banyak. apa yang ida ada sekarang cukup dah untuk dia.
i know :(

then dan dan tu jugak my mom ambil baby and bottle feed her. still meraung2 lagi baby. and she tak nak bottle. i was helpless.

aunty di, looked at me and i guess she understand me.

then, bila baby dah ngamok2 tanak susu tu. my ummy cakap apa tau kat i.

tula kak long dah niat nak susu badan sangat. kan baby dah tak nak botol. susah lah macam ni.

i only diam and took my baby, pegi nenen kat bilik. i told her. eisya nak mommy kan.

days went by and i was being told EVERY SINGLE DAY to FM my baby. and to give air masak. not just ummy but also from others.

it was ermm. quite stressful. dah la dalam pantang emosi lain macam sikit.

to cut short this long story, eisya kan kuat nangis masa tu. so they thought tak cukup susu. walaupon eisya selalu muntah susu sebab overload asik bergayut.

masa i mandi, baby bangun, they bottle feed my baby. kalau i sempat keluar i terus cabut botol and bf.

stok susu yang i pam sikit2 (dahlah pam dapat tak banyak) digunakan masa i mandi or urut.

and there was one time, i mandi. my baby cried. my aunty bagi nenen dia yang tak ada susu. i was upset. i pernah dengar ada baby terus refuse breasts mak dia sebab kena tipu macam tu.

and i overheard my relatives dok hairan kenapa i insist tak nak bagi FM, dengan tak banyak susu. tak kesian baby ke.

walhal masa tu my baby nangis sebab colic.

bila my baby amok tanak botol yang my mom bagi (tommee tippee) my mom suruh beli latex teats. so hubby bought NUK bottle. pun baby taknak. baby only wants me. and my mom cakap i should rest. bukan asik nenen je.

then days went by sampai lah habis pantang dan i pun dah nak kerja.....

to be continued....

17 comments:

.:pUbLiC_eNeMy:. said...

ok ini sedihh..tetiba PG cam "ohh mcm2 kne tempuh jadi mommy tp xde sorang pun yg phm akak.." :(

sabar ye kak? *hugs*

mrs.spicy said...

bab breast feed takde halangan since i dok hospital 5 hari and hari ke 3 susu kelaur so kat rumah memang dah banyak susu. kat hospital pon memang nurse bagi fully support kita nak bf.

tapi kenapa nurse tu macam tu pulak? die sepatut lagi tau lah. *emo*

bila balik rumah i tak bagi maryam minum air masak. masa tu dok rumah husband. nak menjawab xboleh kalau sedara i komfem i dah menjawab. semua orang bising maryam tak minum air masak. i senyum jer. lama-lama tak tahan so i cakap,

"doktok tak bagi lah"

bila dengar doc semua orang senyap. haha.

kejora said...

bersalin kt private eh?Normally hospi tal gomen esp yang Rakan bayi tu sgt2 galakkan exclusive bf, sampai botol susu pun tak dibenarkan bawak masuk wad.I bersalinkan my heroes tu, dua-dua susu lambat sangat keluar sampai kena urut bidan baru keluar. Lepas dah balik rumah baru dapat exclusive bf sampai masuk kerja..

Nur said...

i think kan isu nya bukanlah semata bf atau fm atau air masak, isunya ialah why la people nak interfere sedangkan kite emak baby tu, kite yang dah plan and well-prepared apa yang kita nak buat kat anak kita kan.. maybe sbb kita ni young mother, anak baru 1.. sbb tulah mereka rasa perlu ajar n bagitau. but it just doesn't work to certain people because it's like insult our intelligence kan?

::LiYa:: said...

alamak.sedihnye.org2 tua mcm tak stuju fully breastfeed kn..taktahu nape..i feel u!im breastfeeding my baby until now.susu da menurun.tp semangat masih kuat nak breastfeed kan dia.biar bukak posa ganti nnti pon takpe..tp elders dah mula suh bg formula milk...
sabar ye!

n ur aunty shouldnt bagi her B to ur baby!sian eisya!

aida said...

dulu masa 5 hari awal anak aku admit nicu, so, susu matang x kuar lg kan..ulang alik2 anak aku pun renung mcm eisya kat aku..lg aku xtau nak pegang dia masa tu..anak aku tgk dalam hati 'apela mak aku ni.. nak pegang aku pun tak reti'..nangis kuat dalam nicu ..sampai aku pun nangis...down sgt3..tp nurse baik..datang ajar aku..tp dia nangis jugak lagi..so aku dah sedih2 ngan shah.. minta nurse top up fm..sedih gila..

cumanye nurse mcm komplen anak aku kuat minum, suruh aku pam susu badan jugak..


kat rumah..aku ngepam je..susu mula kuar setitik setitik..sakit betul...lepas ngurut baru ok..alhamdulillah..lepas ngurut tu susu matang dah keluar..aku terus gi nicu nak bf ahmad ghazi..sampai ke malam aku duk situ..mula ok..susu dah lancar kan...tp aku kekok pegang..nangis balik dgn kuatnya..


lepas tu hari ke 3 rasanya, mmg minta shah hantarkan susu badan ke nicu..aku kerja ngepam je lepas tu..

bila anak aku discaj, satu hal lagi tak reti nyusu baring. 2 jam sekali dia bgn aku pun bgn la duduk nyusu..

masa tu mak aku datang 2 hari je..sebab aku dah extend edd, tibe kene bersalin..so cuti mak aku apply minggu lg satu..ada kerja yang tak dapat dielakkan..

dan masa tu..shah la yang plg penat sekali..dia je yang jaga aku dalam pantang 5 hari tu..kami ulang alik hospital tgk anak lg..shah masak lagi ..mmg susut badan dia masa tu..dalam beberapa hari saja..

then balik kampung aku..

mak aku dulu suh campur susu fm dalam susu badan(dlm botol) bg kenyang..tp aku tak buat.just aku ada gak bg minum air masak sebab mak aku suruh..aku lak tak berilmu pengetahuan masa tu.

lepas tu..mak aku kerja lak kan siang..so, aku la control sume..pantang suke hati..akibatnye rasakan sekarang..anak aku pulak siang tido..susu..tido..susu tido..mlm berjaga..nak tido kene dukung jalan2..dukung duk setempat tak mau...hehehe..anak aku pun kuat nangis gak dulu

tp alhamdulillah lama2 mak aku dah ter'educate' sikit demi sikit..sekarang dia seronok cerita kat org anak dia bg susu badan kat cucu dia sehingga sekarang...aku pernah tanye mak, 'dulu mak dah kerja, t*tek bengkak buat mcm mana?' ..mak aku cakap dia balik rumah bf kan kami..rumah mmg dekat ngan opis mak masa tu..mak aku pun faham jugakla konsep demand and supply sebab dia cakap..susu ni kalau anak hisap lama adala lama pun...

murn!e said...

kan? dorang memang tak paham. private hosp lebih lebih lagi.asik nk bg susu formula je. mementang setiap hosp private, memang ade je supplier antar susu formula ni. ni yang buat nk deliver kt goverment hosp. tp takut..dorang jahit tkletak ubat bius.scaryy!! sakitt!!!

ur mom soh cepat cepat ajr minum susu formula sebab dia tahu dia yg nak kene jaga anak u kot.nanti senang sikit. mmg ramai kate..minum susu formula senang. senang nak handle.dan orang baye baye mak u, mak i..zaman dorang takde internet. dorang taktau pasal kelebihan susu badan ni.

takpe..2nd baby kite cuba lagi. i plan..for 2nd baby..i takmo berpantang kat umah my mom. i nak pantang kat umah sendri n cari orang tlg jage. hehehe.tapi still a plan la.haha

takpe, yang penting niat nk fully bf tu ade. allah dah tahu tu.

M.U.M.M.Y M.I.Q.H.A.E.L said...

so sad cite awak zuraida...



nak hilang kuning kena minum susu ibu byk2..yg mak zuraida suh minum susu utk hilang kuning tu, susu FM kan...ckp ngan mak, susu FM tak membantu hilangkan kuning.. :)))

Mrs. Eeza Herman said...

cian eisya n u, ederq...
sedey lak iza baca...
nasib baik dan alhamdulillah la gak yg mak iza jenis yg support apa yg iza ckp dan plan...
apa iza ckp, dia ikut..dia phm...
cth mcm kes air masak, bila dia suruh bg air masak konon utk bilas tekak hazeq..tapi iza ckp tak perlu dan bg reason kenapa tak perlu..baru dia faham...
yg penting baby2 kita membesar dgn sihat...

dinashuz said...

hi there ederq... ya Allah, sedih jugak dina rasa bila baca post u ni. dina pun tgh tunggu hari nak bersalin ni, n sgt berdebar pasal breastfeeding ni. dah mindset sejak awal pregnant nak fully BF baby, mak dina pun 100% support, tp tulah, nenek dina pun duk serumah dgn mak, n takut jugak kalau2 mother in law ada pendapat sendiri sbb dina perasan dia mcm xsokong BF fully ni. bila baca kisah ederq ni, dpt bayangkan dina pun mesti akan lalui benda yg sama, ederq bnyk2 bersabar ya... it's not too late to inform our family members khasiat susu ibu... insyaAllah, smoga hasrat ederq utk fully BF eisya dipermudahkan Allah...

Anonymous said...

ur ummi is like my mama....huhuhu..cannot describe d feeling mase tu....rase nk balik pantang kt rumah sendiri je...

That's so Jaja said...

omg! sedihnya!! i sooooo understand u! nsb baik i choose baby friendly hospital & my mom fully support bf sampai at one time tu i rasa mcm nk campur fm sbb awal2 tu susu sikit tp my mom yang ckp tak payah. Tp my PIL tak support ckp susu i nanti akan kurang jugak. slalu push2 campur fm then i pam gila2 and penuhkan freezer dorang masa pantang br diam. huhu.

syiekin azam said...

mmm saba ye ederq..aku dulu pon mengalami mende yg sama..cume bila dgn parents aku, aku pertahankan la walau ape pon yg jadi..walaupon terlepas gak air masak + fm sebotol due mase aku tgh berurut or tdo..uhuhuhuh..tp bile aku tau, mmg aku amuk..mmg aku marah dorg..(tp pastu mintak maap balek..ihihi)

tp dgn in law hubby aku yg handle..penah gak terlepas fm mase kat umah sane(sbb dorg beli bertin2 susu utk aish)..hubby aku amuk..die amuk dasyat..ahahaha..

so, walaupon org keliling bising2 ckp nape nak bf la ape la..nyusahkan la ape la..(kdg2 aku naek nyampah dgn org yg dtg2 visit kitorg..ihihi)..aku wat muke bodo jek..kalo famili aku, aku handle..famili in law, hubby handle..

tp alhamdulillah famili aku bleh terime aku nak bf walaupon awal2 dulu sebok compare2 dgn anak2 staff dorg yg takde sebok2 nak pam kat opis, pam kat umah..bg botol je..nenen malam je ape la itu la..

takpe la ederq..selagi ko mampu, ko bf la eisya..kami sentiasa bg support dkt ko..

ederq said...

u all. tak tau nak reply komen cemana. apa2 pun, part 2 comin up :)

aida said...

waitinnnnnng 4 part 2..hehe..

lg satu aku penah kene..anak aku eczema and allergy cow's dairy..

ada ke org cakap "niat bg susu badan sgt..dah alergik susu lembu'..

eh eh..aku susah senang bf aku x kacau org pun..benda2 tu rezeki masing2 la..

d.O.n.A.t said...

erk.. lambat bc posting ko ni. gigih bekerja la kununnya.

si aida ni mmg ibu tegar kt kitorang ni. aku pun tak mampu nak target sampai 2 thn si Aiman full bf. sempat la dkt setahun full bf. skg still BF jgk.. ni pun pening pulak nak cerai susu tak jalan2..

aiman masa 1 hari, aku kena pisah dgn aiman sbb aku kan demam. bila aku pergi kt nursery, rupanya aiman dh diberi susu FM. ok terkedu jugak. tp aku try juga BF. dah la tak reti nak pegang baby. terkial-kial aku.

dengan kain nak terlondeh, dgn nak pegang aiman lagi masa tu. kain hospital kan besar, pinggang aku pulak konon2 ramping la time tu..haha. eh cite pasal kain lak.

2nd day pun sama. stress gila masa tu. mmg bergenang la mata aku masa tu. dgn harapan mak aku ada dgn aku masa tu tolong ajar aku mcm mana nak BF aiman. dah la tmpt nursery tu jauh dgn wad. gagahkan diri berjalan pergi nursery dlm keadaan sakit. tp bila dpt jumpa baby, tak boleh pulak nak BF sbb aiman tak pandai latch.

bila petang nak check out, baru nurse bawak aiman dkt aku. masa tu mak aku ada, akhirnya aku berjaya jugak bf aiman wpun 2 hari aiman minum FM.

ok aku terima excuse mak aku sbb takut berjangkit demam aku kat aiman. that why dorang bg susu FM sbb darurat. tp biarlah tu kali pertama dan terakhir.

dugaan nak BF tu mmg banyak. tp mak aku ckp aku ni degil dan muka yang tak berperasaan. aku teruskan BF tu sampai setahun wpun tak dpt target 2 thn.

makanya, haruslah tabahkan hati dan hati kering. chaiyok chaiyok ederq!

miss b said...

ederq,

ni sama kes ngn i. but i was not so tabah and headharded. i wish i was sbb to be honest, everytime i read or talk about bf, i will be reminded of d fact dat i bf xsmp 6months. and i pretty much am very disappointed sbb i tak ckup keras hati. i think if we decide it ourselves, it wont matters as much, but when other people decides for u, lbh buat rasa more disappointment.