darn slow friday

ya allah me and olynn were complaining. why today is extremely slow? i have been looking at the clock and seems like it is not moving at all! it takes forever to tick to the next minute!

weekend is coming. am planning to visit mira's baby, cute ibtisam and meeza's baby, cute miqael, soon. they delivered their babies early this week. i'm so happy for them. congrats loves!

i need to clean up my room. my handbags are everywhere, unorganized. i need to do the laundry and send few things for dry clean. chacha needs to be washed. poor u chacha.

gedix ajak bukak puasa. i miss them like so much but it's mid valley and kenny rogers pulak. so tak maulah. susah nak maghrib and i always had bad experience in kenny rogers MV.

i need to rest. and sleep. good one. without bad dreams.

my brain is restless. my head's spinning and heavy most of the time. and when it is not, migrain strikes.

pain in the arse.

i'm just so fecking tired.

on my precious, i wish a have the scanner to scan my baby everyday. or put in a tiny little camera inside my womb to see how my baby is doing.

i'm a bit worry. i'm fasting. i have no problem with that. just that i cant eat well during sahur or buka. hope my baby is excellent in absorbing whatever nutrients inside me.

every day, we will rub my stomach and talk to baby to behave, to eat. not to puke. sometimes baby listens sometimes baby chose not to. sometimes baby choose to puke after mummy eats, sometimes before buka, when mummy is tired, when nothing left inside mummy's tummy to puke, sometimes, after sahur and few minutes before azan.

and i have no problem with fasting at all. eating time is trouble. i cant bloody eat. i forced and i puke. i drink a lot, but nasik 1 sudu pun tak habis. i cant go to terawikh lagi for now because am afraid of puking atas sejadah surau. mmmmhhh

it's not that i'm complaining. i'm just concern about my baby. baby, please be okay inside sayang.

the baby is 13 weeks now. i really really wish my morning sickness will be over soon.

i miss doing the cooking. for now i still cant cope with the smell. i puke everytime the smell comes.

but if that lasts a bit longer, i can't help. anything for you baby. anything. i'm nowhere near there either. some people still having this until the day of giving birth. so, i really dont know what my luck is! huhuhu

but either way, i dont mind. as long as baby is perfectly fine. that matters the most.

baby, you are lucky. everyone loves you more than they do for mummy. hehe. and mummy loves you more than anything too darling.

and you are the reason i'm still here. standing. still.

where is ederq?

a friend said, a good friend of mine

her: dear is your pregnancy bothering you? why you sound so upset lately?

i was shocked.

me: no no not at all, yes, i have morning sickness, hypermesis if you want to call it. but it's not bothering me at all. i love my baby. i dont mind being sick. as long as the baby inside's happy and healthy. i sound upset?

her: mm. you used to be happy. happy go lucky. and crazy.

me: am i not now? mmm sometimes shit happens. but yeah i was a bit stressed on something. but i have supportive and wonderful people to support me. my loved ones are the greatest.

her: if you have enough support then what else bothering you?

me: i dont know love. cant really tell. maybe i have to learn it to fight my own self. i need to find myself back. she's gone.

her: i know! this is not ederq i've known. go get her back. i miss her.

me: haha (i miss her too. eyes flooded)

her: whatever had happened, god knows better. tuhan tak kan uji umat dia kalau dia tau kita tak mampu hadapi. apa2 pun banyak doa. ok?

me: i know. but this seems too much. but it's ok. i'll be fine. dont worry.

her: i am worry. take care ederq.

me: please dont be. will do.

have i said i have greatest friends? and greatest loved ones. i love you all.

those who has hurt me badly, will never be a friend. never were and never will.

animal instinct

1 ramadhan

i'm so glad i feel much at ease now.

i don't mean to be selfish.

but now i can smile bitterly when the worst (and last) part came.

surprisingly not to cry. again.

everything is so crystal clear now.

i thank for the ramadhan barakah.

allah has given me more strength after all.

alhamdulillah. . .

salam ramadhan

alhamdulillah panjang umur berjumpa lagi ramadhan tahun ni.

first as wife and mummy to be. mula2 risau jugak macam manalah nak puasa dengan merandung ni. tapi i tried few days (padahal ganti) masa tengah mabuk2 ni.

alhamdulillah okay. lapar tu tak, cuma dahaga. biasalah. pastu kalau tak puasa lambat makan je kepala dah berpinar2, makan je muntah. tapi ni tak berpinar pun. alhamdulillah. cuma masa sahur and buka memang tak boleh makan banyak pun. minum air je banyak.

pastu the night before puasa mummy and papa baby ni dah gosok2 perut, pesan kat baby cakap mummy nak puasa. so kena bertahan. sebab ni tuhan yang suruh. hihi dia faham kot.

bulan puasa ni tak tahu lah. harap okay. tapi macam dr kata, mungkin akan ada hari yang i may be pancit. tapi cuba je. kalau tak larat sangat nak pingsan silalah berbuka.

baiklah! let's do it baby! harap dapat buat terawikh as much as i could.

to my lovely readers, selamat berpuasa dan semoga ramadhan kali ini memberi seribu keampunan kepada korang.

maafkan salah silap i okay.

admitted and discharged

these few weeks were so stressful and tiring. so dr advised me to rest at the hospital.

2 days je. mula okay coz rasa relax and kurang muntah. since ubat muntah masuk ikut drip bukan oral. kalau oral bwelkkkk keluar balik.

hypermesis.

everyone said muka i pucat macam mayat. muka kuning. huhuhu

second day, dah boring. tak sempat tunggu dr zarul dah mintak nak discharge. hihi

thanks to my family yang menjaga penuh dedikasi ibu merandung ni. and b coz sudi nak manjakan and take a good care of hunny lagi.

friends yang risau2 tak payah risau. biasalah ni hehe.

baby, mummy is fine and hope so are you. 6 months to go. and i cant wait to hold you in my arms. i know all these will be worth it! i love you baby!

dengan mengingati allah hati menjadi tenteram

“Ya Allah, RahmatMu aku harapkan, janganlah Engkau serahkan segala urusanku kepada diriku sendiri walau sekejap mata, perbaikilah segala urusanku, tiada ilah yang berhak disembah selain Engkau.” (HR Abu Dawud)

source

my precious

updates on previous check up.
i lost 3kg, due to morning sickness. hope my sickness will get better soon.

i don't puke everyday now but when i do, it will be few times in a day. dizziness has lessen and my appetite has improved a bit. alhamdulillah.

despite me being depressed and sick, baby inside has been growing perfectly fine. i cant be any happier.

me and baby at cuci the musical

dr kata very good! walau awak lose weight tapi baby awak cukup nutrient.sihat!

alhamdulillah, i hope everything will be fine.

baby, mummy sayang sangat kat baby. grow well sayang. i'll be the best mummy to you sayang. i love you the most.

tipu dosa

percaya karma
percaya tuhan

dosa dengan tuhan boleh bertaubat
kerana tuhan maha pengampun

dosa dengan orang
kau tanggunglah sendiri kat neraka

tipu dosa
tak kan lupa?

atau
mungkin tak takut

tak takut tuhan

...

koyak kecil kecil

sakit

tampal

tak lekat

tak kuat

jahit banyak banyak

jarum tajam

sakit

sakit sangat sangat